The world feels like it is crashing in on me. I was not prepared to hear what the doctor had to say. Actually it wasn’t our doctor, he sent in a different surgeon to explain the prognosis. I can only imagine it was because he couldn’t figure out how to convey it himself, or it baffled him, or or or. Whoever delivered it, it was still the same. The mass on her ovary that prompted the full hysterectomy and started Triann on menopause at 40 years old was not actually an ovarian tumor but in fact a recurrence of the adrenal cancer from 7 years ago.

A recurrence

Of the adrenal cancer

From 7 years ago

They told us over and over again that as long as it didn’t come back she would be ok. If it came back it would likely be from spreading to all of the the parts and pieces that the tumor was originally touching 7 years ago. The cancer would then take over these other parts and pieces and it would be all but impossible to effectively fight it. It would likely end in a very bad way.

But it came back on an ovary, on the opposite side of her body, that wasn’t touching the original tumor. The removed all of her lady parts and the pathology on everything was clean, no growth, no cancer. Except for the grapefruit sized (17.5cm x 16.4cm x 15.3cm) tumor that had consumed her ovary.

So now we wait for her Oncologist at MD Anderson in Houston to review all of the slides from this tumor and the 2007 grapefruit sized tumor, to determine what it will take to treat her this time. Another 3 years of taking 14 DDT (yes that DDT, the illegal pesticide) pills daily like she did from 2007 to 2010. Something better something worse?

She is resting now at home. Her parents are here helping with everything (we couldn’t do this without them) and she is starting to feel better, despite having lost so many parts and pieces through this surgery. It will be 6-8 weeks before she can lift more than 10lbs (emily is 50lbs) and I assume by then we will be on our way into whatever this new treatment that will take her out for however long.

I am really having troubles with all of this. My best friend is potentially headed back into what she would tell you were the worst 3 years of her life. That poison not only suppressed her adrenal gland and any potential cancer (well, apparently not any…) but made her sick, 24 hours a day. No energy, memory loss, inability to think clearly, no appetite etc. I have a strong faith and know that we can get through anything, but I don’t want her to go through this again… and I am pretty upset about it. I want this girl to have some time to just live. I’m not unthankful for the last 3 years of peace, but is that her max?

Past the physical part, I am beyond scared about our finances. While I am trying to get Triann’s Pantry (our new business) off the ground, Triann has been the primary bread winner with her party sales at Thirty-One Gifts. I have been able to supplement by playing bass with The Jessie Leigh Band, but Triann is still bringing home the bulk of the money. With her out of commission for who knows how long I have no idea how to pack mixes, hold her purse parties, play bass across the country and be a solid helper her at the house. I don’t see the answer and I don’t know how to fix it.

I don’t know how to fix it.

So I am walking around in a daze, I’ve got 99 problems and I don’t know how to fix one…. (sorry).

Yesterday I heard the mailman and wandered outside to see what was new. Bills, catalogs, maybe a mysterious check. As I was slowly walking out, with my head down and spinning, a woman walking down our street called out. I couldn’t hear what she said but I stopped and looked at her. She was in her early 60’s, about 5’5″ wearing pink track pants and a blue windbreaker. Her brown and white hair was sticking out of a pink sun visor and she was pushing a basket. Immediately judged her, and assumed she was coming to ask me for help with gas, or money for a hotel or any other lie to get money for booze or drugs or whatever. I made eye contact and she called out again… “Did you see your glow in the dark rock”. I looked at her quizzically, with no idea what she was asking.  She asked again “Did you see your glow in the dark rock?” As I was about to reply that I wasn’t sure what she was talking about and assumed she would then lay into me with her pitch, I suddenly remembered a rock in our flower bed that had shown up earlier in the month.