Author: Triann Benson

OK. So I am trying to write them as they come in…

This morning Daniel woke up with a stuffy nose and he starts hollering
“My nose doesn’t work!”
I said, ‘that’s OK honey, it’s just a little stuffy’.
His response was then, “but I can’t smell my food! I can’t smell that delicious steam!”
LOL! I have NO idea if he was thinking of a specific food or not, but we weren’t even out of bed yet!
Great way to start a Monday at 5AM! =)

Yesterday I was trying to take a rest.
Daniel comes into my room and heads to my closet, which is currently housing most of his toys that have been confiscated for behavior issues.
He immediately says, “You have a mess in here Mom. You have a mess in your closet!”
Yes, dear. I do. Good Grief!
I will add that he offered to clean up his dad’s shoes, and he did so. Right on the spot! What a good helper!

One last funny to report.
At least I think it qualifies as a funny. Maybe it’s just sad.
Anyway…We were looking at Pics from November, before I started chemo, when I don’t look so tired. Daniel says “you should stay there in that picture, Mom”
Part of me agrees. It was a great picture. The other part of me is glad to be further down the road, with clear scans thus far, even with the fatigue I deal with. Someday, Daniel, you will have your not-so-tired looking mommy back.

Love you sweetie!

Spiritual, that is…
A wise friend says ‘no’. And I am inclined to agree with her.
Eric was in a Motorcycle accident Friday morning. He walked away, THANK YOU LORD! He has some good scrapes on his wrists (as shown) from where his summer gloves didn’t overlap his jacket – he bought a new pair of summer gloves when he went to the shop to pick up his bike! His shoulders and neck are sore from rolling down the road (ya think?), but his gear took the brunt of it, as it should, and he was able to get his legs out from under his bike as he went down. AND no one ran him over. AND he wasn’t on the freeway!
ALL great things to be thankful for.

Take a look at that helmet and imagine what his face *would have* looked like, had he not been wearing it! His jacket and pants are scratched up, but still wearable. His bike is basically OK, The boxes are broken and need to be replaced and he *obviously* will need a new helmet, but the thing that really matters is that he is still here with us!
He is really sad about the watch. It was a gift from me I brought back from Hawaii 7 yrs a go. I think I will send it in to Fossil and see if there is any way they can repair it…

That my hubby is still here and my kids still have their dad – AWESOME!

However…I was an emotional wreck! Ever since we moved to Dallas I hear myself repeating ‘I am not a crier’. Dang it! I think now I am. I never USED to be a crier, but my coping capabilities have gone down hill in the last year! Could it be that I am missing an adrenal gland??? I am certain that is part if it, but definitely not all of it!
My dear friend shared that Eric’s accident was just the ‘one more thing’ in our long list of ‘things’ that we are going through. If we were ‘Family Average’, it might still be upsetting, but it wouldn’t have shaken my world like it did. I think she is right. I mean, good grief, was there any other mom at packet pick up (Friday morning, shortly after my phone call with Eric) that when the school couldn’t locate their child’s folder and then was told they didn’t think supplies could still be purchased, burst into tears? Doubtful. =) Those poor volunteers. I’m not sure they knew what to do with me. GREAT first impression. LOL!
THIS is why I can’t say I never cry any longer.
It really bugs me. But perhaps that’s another post as well as a year of therapy…

For those of you looking for an amazing devotional book, you have to pick up “Jesus Calling” by Sarah Young. For everyone else, pick it up anyway. It has been great. Just what I need, and I know it would bless you too!

Here is a portion of Friday’s devotional…
…”You are walking along the path I have chosen for you. It is both a privileged and perilous way: experiencing MY glorious presence and heralding that reality to others. Do not worry about what others think of you. Stay on the Path of Life with Me. Trust Me wholeheartedly, letting my Spirit fill you with Joy and Peace.”…

1Kings 8:23
“O, Lord, God of Israel, there is no God like you in heaven above or on earth below – You who keep Your covenant of love with your servants who continue wholeheartedly in Your way”

OK. I am WAY behind on this blog. Ugh!
Daniel hasn’t stopped saying funny things, I just can’t remember what they are by the time I find a pencil!
I’ll work on it.

Well, both sets of Grandparents have been to visit and that was wonderful.

Now we are getting ready for school. I feel ready and not ready.
I am looking forward to the rest I will get and the efficiency of my errands when I go by myself!

No more news from MD Anderson, so I guess that means all is well…

My biggest issue right now is extreme fatigue. I am truly thankful my GI ‘hysteria’ has calmed down since they back me down to 10 chemo pills/day. Not eliminated, but bearable.

I will be starting a Bible Study on Hope with a friend of mine after school starts and am looking forward to more insight on the matter. =)

There is rumor I may have some friends visiting from the west coast this fall and I am SO very excited about that!

Pray all is well with my readers/blog followers/friends!

Triann

Thank you EVERYONE who has prayed for us and supported us – in all sorts of ways.

I am THRILLED to report good scans!!!

A full report will be in next week and not all tests are back….but the oncologist said he would see me NEXT YEAR!! Six month check up – AWESOME!

God Rocks!

Tired, but thankful.

Will write more later.
Triann

Sometimes God shows us, tells us, communicates to us a theme or a verse over and over and over to get our attention. Since Saturday I have had some themes and verses He has been shouting at me and I thought I would share – perhaps you are in need of hearing the same messages =)

I am loved by God – unconditionally (and so are you!!)
I cannot earn it or even fathom its depth with my finite mind.

HOPE. HOPE. HOPE.

And Prayer. I can be a prayer warrior for myself, and that’s OK. It’s not selfish. He wants me to dialogue with Him. That’s what I was designed for – a relationship with the Creator. And although prayer does not need to be formal (as I was reminded – again – in the car while listening to Stephen Curtis Chapman sing “Let us Pray”)
He also desires for us to set aside some REAL quiet time with him – even if it is 10 minutes!
To talk with Him, give our full attention to Him.
Yes, even with a 3 yr old in the house!

The verses I continue to be led to are

“You are fearfully and wonderfully made”. Psalm 139:14

“For I know the plans I have for you”, declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a hope and a future”. Jeremiah 29:11

“Be Joyful in HOPE, Patient in affliction, faithful in PRAYER.” Romans 12:12

I wanted to have some clarification on a couple of words. I know the general gist, but felt compelled to truly define the words.

One word was AFFLICTION.
Dictionary.com states that it is a noun meaning
1. a state of pain, distress, or grief; misery
2. a cause of mental or bodily pain, as sickness, loss, calamity, or persecution.

Synonyms: mishap, trouble, tribulation, calamity, catastrophe, disaster. Affliction, adversity, misfortune, trial refer to an event or circumstance that is hard to bear.

Got it.

Secondly DECLARES.
Sounds Kingly (probably because He is, but just needed to know)

To make known formally or officially, to make known or state clearly, esp. in explicit or formal terms
To state emphatically or authoritatively; affirm, to announce officially; proclaim
To reveal or make manifest; show

Not only is the Lord making it known, he is SHOWING us that what he says is true (manifest – readily perceived by the eye or the understanding; evident; obvious; apparent, show plainly: to prove; put beyond doubt or question)

LOVE IT! What wonderful promises.

This is where I find peace. This is how I have Hope. This is how I ‘Keep Moving Forward’

The Good News is here, the great news is to come…

My labs results were disappointing, but not surprising.
I am actually down 2 points. =(
I have been really sick with GI side effects plus the horrid can’t-get-out-of-bed dizziness and the oncologist has dropped me down to 10 pills a day, even though my numbers are lower.

We head down to MD Anderson Cancer Center Next Tuesday.

Please keep us in your prayers. Great results. Safe Trip.
My mom will be flying down Tuesday to play with the kids while Eric and I are at the hospital. We will head south directly from the airport.

We are headed back to MD Anderson in two weeks! I am looking forward to the trip because I would like to be able to breathe a sigh of relief until the next visit. (Keep those prayers coming!)
However…there is also the anxiety (fear) that things won’t be OK.
Eric and I have the conversation often that I don’t have cancer, I’m simply on chemo.
There has not been a sign of cancer since the tumor was removed in October – PRAISE the LORD!!
However, I am still on high doses of chemo and have still not reached the ‘optimal’ level of the drug in my system.
I have had a really rough month with getting my pills in. Stomach aches, stomach cramps, nausea, vomiting, GI issues galore. I don’t know if it is the heat or the stress of the move, the kids and their medical things recently. Perhaps it is simply the meds. Hmmm. Or a combo of it all. I am now getting the dizziness back in full force like I had a few months ago. Ugh. But wanting, NEEDING more time with my family is my driving force to continue to take the Mitotane.
Adrenal Cancer is RARE. Stage 2 Adrenal Cancer is VERY rare! A tremendous gift that that this terrible disease was found so early! Thank you God and thank you Daniel.
I actually find it difficult to scold him when he jumps on me, but I have to. Especially since my incision site is still tender!

I really believe that God can hand me many more years here on this earth with Eric and Emily and Daniel.
But it is such a mental game.

Please pray for my overall health. My medication intake. My upcoming scans. My family – it is really taxing on Eric and so hard for the kids to understand why mommy is always tired and not feeling well. Emily told me today that she wanted me to get some rest so I didn’t get sick again. Daniel has always been clingy, but it is getting ridiculous. I hate that my kiddos, esp Emily, are being forced to grow up too fast. I hate cancer. But I love the Lord and I know He loves me. That He cares about my family. I need to continue to put my trust and my hope in Him alone.

I am up tonight with heartburn and an upset stomach. But I am so tired and dizzy it is hard to stay upright. Now what do I do??

I suppose I will sign off for now and catch up with y’all later.

My Mom will be flying down for this trip to Houston to keep the kiddos entertained while Eric and I are at the hospital for long and grueling days! I am thankful she is able to take the time off and come help. I know it is tough on my parents to not be closer.

Thank you -again – to Amy and Christophe for donating hotel points for our stay.
Thank you to my Mops group for the great freezer meals this month.
Thank you to my in-laws for giving me a couple of naps while they are here visiting.
Thank you to Belinda for taking the kids on separate outings. For making them feel special and giving them a chance to get out of the craziness for awhile.

I am certain there are others I am missing, so thank you to all of you who have been praying for us and lending a hand. We couldn’t do it without you.

Goodnight.

I am tired and don’t really want to talk about/share my life right now.
However, you can pray that it gets easier to take my pills and that I can figure out more rest time. And that I can get this house unpacked and everyone settled in.
Praises are that Emily’s stay at the hospital went well, Eric’s procedure went well, and that our apartment is nice and cool despite the 3 digit temp outside!

Has it really been that long since I have written??
I have missed my internet!!!

My numbers came back – I am up to 9.7.
Getting there, but was really hoping for a higher #. (needs to be between 13 and 20 for those of you new to the updates)
I am having a REALLY tough time getting all my pills in, especially with this move – too busy and not wanting to slow down or be sick. Now I have to get into a routine again and choke them all down. No more excuses…

I am overwhelmed with the amount of boxes littering my house, and the army of ants that are invading my pantry and any box with a food item of any kind. The exterminators came yesterday, but I am having to toss anything already opened and it is frustrating. They are still crawling around – I am guessing it will take a couple of days for them to all die off. (I suppose that is a lame thing to whine about when one is fighting cancer, but it is annoying all the same)

Today I am tired and nauseous, but I have a sitter coming and hope to take a nap – and perhaps Eric and I can even get out for a cheap date =)

We go back to MD Anderson in July. Please start praying now for clear scans!
I will also have an appointment at the fatigue clinic and have high hopes for that.

Both kids out of school is really tough. I didn’t realize how much time they were at school!

Talk to y’all soon!
Triann