Author: Triann Benson

I am in the throws of moving. Sorting, tossing, donating, packing. Plus the end of the school year, plus, plus, plus. I am SO ready to be on the other side of this move. I don’t care if we unpack a box for months – I just want to be done with this end of the process!
That being said, I apologize that I have not been updating blogs like I should be. It will be sparse for awhile.
I am, however, waiting for my lab results to come in and will post those as soon I get them. My side effects have been especially bad recently and I don’t know if it is ‘simply’ my chemo numbers are increasing (which would be good – overall) or if it is the combo of pushing myself to get this house sorted and packed, the end of school ‘stuff’ and the meds just taking a toll on me.
We soon shall see. Perhaps even when the numbers come in, I won’t really know until I am moved and can rest again. =)
Thank you for continued prayers.
Triann

Just wanted to let Y’all know – Daniel is still hilarious, I’m just not as consistent about sharing!
My memory has been terrible and if I don’t write it down immediately, then I lose it. I will try to be better – be looking for more funnies in the near future!
BTW – I found my self – AGAIN – saying ‘Please Don’t Hit Me With Your Monkey!’ Oh dear, bedtime can be a challenge – especially when monkeys are involved!

Yea God!
We found – and secured – an apartment just up the road from where we currently live. We take possession on June 1st and will be moving once Emily is out of school for the year.
Our BIG prayer now is that Emily will be able to transfer into her current school. Right now she is on the waiting list as they are downsizing teachers.
On the upside, the apartment is in a great location and it has a pool and a playground. It is also ADA. Which means that Emily can wheel into every area of the house – including the bathrooms (which she has never been able to do). She is very excited. The kitchen sink is REALLY low, therefore Eric won’t be doing any dishes! I hate to tell you we will just be filling the earth with paper plates for the time being, but that is our reality!
Now to PACKING PACKING PACKING! Or should that be PANICKING! =) Missing an adrenal gland does have its upside. I am MUCH less stressed than the former me would have been! Also more forgetful. But it all evens out, right?
Thank you for your continued prayers
Triann

I am requesting prayer for wisdom. For both Eric and I. We are coming to the end of our lease and need to downsize our living expenses (utilities are INSANE in Texas!). That being said we are in search of an apartment, but that is no easy task and there are SO many factors we are weighing.

We are also trying to figure out our best option for a second vehicle and how to go about that. And today I started having a minor issue with the van and needing a clear definition of need and want. Were I perfectly healthy I could probably call it a want, but it may truly be a need…

I tend to over analyze, have difficulty making decisions, and then constantly wonder if the decision I (or we) made was the right one. I am hoping that if I pray for wisdom and clarity, that I will also have peace with the decisions that are made. I really want to listen to the voice of God, but sometimes it is faint when there are so many other things shouting over him that I can’t focus!

I have great friends (and some strangers)that have been lifting us up in prayer, helping me pack, and taking care of meals. Especially now that Eric and I are sharing a car my fatigue has been kicked up a notch!

I am SO truly blessed. I need to keep reminding myself of the good things in life – the laughter of my children, the love of my husband, and the listening ears of my friends. That we do have food on the table, that Eric has a job, that I have a really comfortable bed, the list goes on and on. Some days I lose sight of the bigger picture. (Even though my bigger picture is much smaller than His bigger picture)

Of course, drowning my sorrows in an occasional Grande White Chocolate Mocha never hurts either =)

Thank you to all of you for your prayers and encouragement.

OK. We are 4 days post accident.
Eric and I have a zillion stories to tell from over the years, but we are still telling them together.
We are coming up on our 14th wedding anniversary this fall and we have been through a number of things that have caused other couples to throw in the towel.
As stressful as it is, we still have each other. And that is HUGE.
I am so very thankful that I have been blessed with more time with my family, that my kids are OK and that my hubby is sticking by my side through it all. Truly a blessing.
I realized yesterday that the world has not stopped spinning, we have much to be thankful for AND sharing a vehicle for now is giving us more time together (commuting)plus more time for me to rest because I can’t go anywhere on the days he has the van.

“give thanks in all circumstances” 1 Thessalonians 15:18a

Not an easy thing, but boy does it help change one’s point of view!
God knows best, doesn’t he?

At the end of the day, it’s just a car.
Currently, a hunk of metal.
No big deal in the scheme of things.

I think I was feeling overwhelmed because it was ONE MORE thing we had to deal with. One more expense, one more hassle. But that’s how Satan distracts us, isn’t it?
We have our ‘health’ – even if it is medically altered – and we have each other.

‘Na Na Na Na, life goes on!’

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

I NEED these reminders. A lot lately. This is one that I am so glad is in my memory banks for me to pull up and calm me down.

We have had a rough go these last several weeks.Eric was traveling on business for 4 weeks straight. He would come home long enough to wash his clothes, for the two of us to have a good fight, and then head out again (those of you with traveling spouses I know can relate). Literally about a 36 hour weekend. It was tough on me, tough on the kids, and tough on Eric.

My Hawaii trip, the one that was cancelled in October when I ended up in the hospital, had been rescheduled for April. Unfortunately, I was scheduled to fly out early Saturday morning the 25th and Eric flew in the night of the 24th. HORRIBLE timing!

Hawaii was a nice break and it was the first time I was able to leave the kids without suffering from mommy guilt – awesome! But is was SO tough to go yet one more week without being a family. I missed Eric immensely and that put a small damper on things. On the upside it was absolutely beautiful and we had a great time – especially laying on the beach (under an umbrella for me) and Happy Hour at Margaritaville!

I flew in Sunday night, May 3rd after 2 days of plane rides and an hour and a half of sleep, not good.
Monday morning was a rude awakening getting Emily ready for school at 1 AM Hawaii time! Ugh.
I got her off to school and settled in for a little while before heading to MOPS – or so I thought. Well, I would have hustled through a shower if I had known what my next call would be!

Eric.
In a car accident.
SERIOUSLY????

PLEASE! When will we get a break? I am strong enough in my faith to know we are not being punished, but Monday I definitely felt like throwing in the towel. On what, I don’t know, but I was DONE!

Eric is OK – HUGE PRAISE!
The car, not so much.
Downsizing, it’s the way to go right now, right?

After a 6 hr cry, 4 Advil, and a nap, I was a new woman.
I have no idea how this situation is going to play out.
Eric was ‘at fault’, even though the persons in front of him were goofing off driving, ultimately, he ran into them… AND because we just gave up the motorcycle and he was using our ‘back-up’ car, we did not have full-coverage. YIKES! We were actually shocked to find this out, totally our fault, but nothing to do about it now.

I am certain God does have a plan for us. One of the biggest confirmations that HE knows all things is that we just got permission to bus Emily to and from school -begininning Monday, May 4th – the same day as the accident. (Her school is a ‘walking’ school, so there is no busing except under special circumstances). Our special circumstances happened to be the oncologist saying NO DRIVING when you feel dizzy. Well, some days I do, some days I don’t – how can one count on that??
At least now Emily has a ride to school and back and Eric can take the van most days. It is a short term solution, but I am certain that God has a long-term remedy. HE just isn’t ready to inform us of it yet.

Several weeks ago I was digging through a box in the garage and came across a card a friend had given me years ago. I had long forgot about this card, but recognized it immediately when I saw it. To my amazement, it had ‘MY’ verse on the front “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him.” Romans 15:13

This is the verse that was spoken to me in the hospital. And the card now sits next to our wedding picture on my nightstand. After yesterday, I decided I need to find a frame for it.

It is a card by Karla Dornacher and the inside reads

‘Don’t Wish upon a shining star
or put your trust in another
but daily place the cares of your heart
in the hands of your Heavenly Father

For HE has heard your prayers
and He knows your heart.
and His answer’s a whisper away
So don’t give up, don’t doubt His love,
but hold on in faith one more day

And while you wait, keep your eyes on Jesus
Let your hope be in Him alone
Let His Word give light to encourage your soul
and His Spirit give your heart a home’

Perspective.
Great, isn’t it?

OK. Just got off of the phone with the oncologist and my Mitotaine level has not changed since last month =(
He is changing my dose from 10 pills/day to 15 pills/day.
Eek!
Pray my numbers go up this next month and that I don’t go too crazy!

I think I need a chocolate fix…

good thing it’s Easter weekend and chocolate consumption is a nearly guaranteed occurrence!

I hope everyone has wonderful Easter plans and a joyous time of celebration at church this weekend! It truly is a glorious holiday!
We have two Easter Egg hunts to choose from on Saturday and we will be attending Easter service Sunday morning.

Things for us have been kind of a roller coaster ride these last few weeks.
Eric has been traveling for work and I have been fighting with my meds! Still no results on my Mitotaine levels, but everything else came back looking good. It looks like my new dose of the florinef and prednisone is the double dose they put me on last week.

I am having a lot of ‘normal’ days -meaning tired, but basically functioning. And some that are WAY out of whack. It is kind of hard to plan for these things! One constant has been that the later in the day it is, or the more things on my ‘to-do’ list (such as doctor appointments), the more my fatigue, confusion, and dizziness is an issue.
My dear friend, Andrea, basically forced me to ask for (and receive) help. I know I need it – esp with Eric out of town – but it is SOOOOO hard to be on the side of need. But there have been a ton of red flags that I am not as OK as I think I am. For example, I was filling out a form for Emily at OT and where it asked for the name of who was completing the survey I wrote ‘Darlene’ (my mother’s name) Hmmmm. I’m sure my family could give you a zillion examples, but truly my memory doesn’t allow for me to give you very many =)

Anyway, Andrea set up a website where people can see what we need help with, such as rides or meals. I am trying to plan for help when I have an appointment that is further away or when I know my day is busier than normal and I am going to be a wreck by the afternoon. It has already been such a blessing.
A lot of this journey has been altering my expectations and only taking on a little bit every week rather than a ‘conquer the world in one day’ attitude.

The other HUGE blessing is that Emily finally qualified for respite care and we are able to have some help several afternoons a week. We have two people helping currently. One takes Emily to school and sometimes helps with bedtime routines. The other picks her up from school 2-3 days a week and helps with homework, encouraging Emily to keep her room picked up, and doing projects together.
It has been great!
This summer I will have even more hours of help -yea!

Grandma Tutu (great-grandma) brought the kids some chocolates from See’s when she came to visit a couple of weeks ago. Daniel’s was a bag of solid chocolate shamrocks. Needless to say, we have been sparingly doling them out to him. He knows where I keep them – in the cupboard with the coffee mugs, thinking they are ‘out of reach’. Well, NOTHING is out of reach for Daniel!
He is seriously a Spider-Monkey!
Anyway…he was climbing the drawers in the kitchen to get to the chocolates and was told by a friend of mine, who was in the kitchen at the time, that he needed to ask mommy before he had any chocolate.
After much protest, he came to ask me…
I said he could have some in the morning when he woke up, it was much too late – almost bedtime – to have chocolate. He pouted and headed back into the kitchen.
When my friend asked what I had said, his response was
‘She said A little bit of yes‘
Hilarious!! Always finding a way to skirt the system.

Daniel is an early bird. It is a VERY rare occasion that I wake up before he does.
Eric has been out of town and my energy level is even more diminished than normal.
This morning, Daniel wakes up around 5:30 AM – his norm – and asks me why we have to take a rest.
I told him it was so we have enough energy for the day.
He pipes up ‘I HAVE ENERGY!’
I told him that mommy wasn’t ready to get up because I needed a little more energy.
His immediate response was ‘You can have some of MY ENERGY! It went down my throat and into my tummy and I have LOTS’.
Yes, dear, you do.
What a sweetie for sharing =)